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Wednesday, November 19

21 Ridiculously Cool Yule Gifts for Pagan Dads


Men are frickin' hard to buy for.  They end up with a pile of neck ties, pen sets, money clips, hats... and these things are rarely used.  I made a point of studying Papa J this year to be certain that he didn't just end up with a pile of stuff he'd place in a drawer and forget about, but it was an effort.

That got me thinking that other people surely go through this with their men.  I spent an afternoon diddling around on the internet and found some funky goodies that I think most Pagan dads (or Pagan men, in general) would giggle about on Solstice morning.   Let's begin.

Just to forewarn you, I aimed this list at men in their "younger decades".  :)  After some feedback, I realized this list was based around my experience living with a 25 year old man.  LOL  I am working on another list with more regal gifts for this year's holiday season.  Thank you for bringing the needs of our community's more seasoned papas to my attention, Chuck!

#1  Mighty Thor Studly Cookie Jar
This isn't for light, airy Lady Fingers or daintily iced lemon crisps.  NO!  This cookie jar is made for double chocolate chunk cookies the size of your fist.  This Thor Cookie Jar is a freaking vault for Dad's Peanut Butter Cup Stuffed brownies and his Guinness Oatmeal blitzkriegs. 

#2  Adopt-a-Yeti Kit
Cousin to Sasquatch, the Yeti live in polar regions of the world and are, apparently, bad at keeping track of their young.  This little guy wondered into a crate and is waiting to be set under the Yule tree for Dad.  This Yeti kit contains one pocket-sized abominable snowman, adoption certificate, and care instructions.  If Dad's more partial to the Sasquatch, there is a Bigfoot version of this, too.

#3  Jack Your Car Seats
Dad will be singing, "What's this?  What's this!?" as he unwraps these Nightmare Before Christmas car seat covers.  Most Pagans rejoice in this ridiculously iconic movie, as it introduced us to the fun side of goth and offered up some great music when we were younger.  This set of stretchy, universal covers comes with a steering wheel cover, as well.  

#4  Vengeful Dragon Ugly Christmas Sweater Hoodie
Do you know this trend?  Office parties, family dinners.  You've probably been invited to an "ugly Christmas sweater" themed party or two yourself.  We've never done this in our house, but I think it's a hilarious tradition worth looking into.  Anyway, most Pagan papas will dig this glorious Dragon Ugly Sweater Hoodie.  Gift it to him on Yule so he can wear it to Aunt Beatrice's Christmas supper later that week ;)

#5  Greedy Gargoyle Table Set
Dad will be happy to serve his guests the salt & pepper when they come accompanied by this silvery creature.  The Gargoyle Table Set is three-dimensional with a full back, complete with a little gargoyle tushy.  If you want to class this up, try adding a 4-pack of gourmet salts.

#6  Sassy Lunchbox
While he take his lunch to work in this beast?  Or fill it with Magic the Gathering decks?  You can leave the decision up to Dad after he laughs himself senseless at the sight of this Bigfoot lunchbox.  Adorned on both sides with an image of the sassy, hairy sasquatch.

#7  Prancing Krampus T-Shirt
Dad can proudly sport this gentle reminder to "be good" as the children explore their new toys and deal with visitors at Solstice time.  This funky Krampus T-shirt comes up to a 3X so it should fit most Pagan papas.  If you're loving the Krampus trend that has sprung up in the Pagan community at large, check out this nifty Krampus Sticker book, too!

#8  Kindly Greenman Bottle Opener
He's ready to crack open Dad's favorite bottle of lager or pale ale.  If the kids get envious, this Greenman Bottle Opener will happily help them open a bottle of earthy root beer or organic ginger ale.  To make this super convenient, add this simple steel bottle cap catcher

#9  Chillin' Gnomie Socks
When Papa is hangin' in his pajamas on that chilly Solstice morning, these Gnomie Socks can keep his toes warm and stylin'.  If the cut of these socks aren't quite Papa's style, there are several other options for gnome socks and none of them disappoint!  

Dad may actually pull some pants on and help clean up the sea of wrapping paper Solstice morning if it means he can invite a few friends over to show off this bad boy.  If you're feeling extra love for your Pagan Papa, toss in a bottle of VooDoo spiced rum to set things off!

#11  Sultry Saytr Leggings
Herne.  Cernunnos.  Pan.  Ammon.  The sacred Stag is newborn at Yule.  Dad can revel in the masculine energies of the day when he pulls these Beast Leggings on for your Yule ritual.  If you'd like to help him complete the outfit, you can find hooves and horns here.

#12  Tacky Zodiac USB Drive
Don't worry, they come in all twelve zodiac signs.  I know, you were worried, weren't you?  I'm not sure if every Pagan papa would appreciate a Zodiac USB Drive, but I think children would find them shiny and fun to give... and the 16GB storage capacity is sure to come in handy for their father.

#13  Classy Egyptian Coaster Set
Now Papa can sip the sacred spiced wines and mead of Yule without leaving those annoying water marks on the altar.  This Egyptian Coaster set features many of the iconic symbols and profiles that grace Kemetic mythology. 

#14  Stoic Viking Wall Clock
Is this Norseman sleeping?  Or was he kicked by a horse?  I can't tell.  But I do know that this Viking clock is rockin'!  It would look fantastic on the wall beside Dad's drinking horn and sword.

#15  Sizzlin' Radio Control Phoenix
Dad won't be able to contain himself.  It flies!  It swoops!  It flutters!  But it probably doesn't reincarnate, so keep an eye on Dad when he takes this RC Phoenix out for a test spin.  These are just too cool not to try out.

#16  "Death Wants Your Bum Clean" Toilet Paper Holder
Seriously, bum cleanliness is of supreme importance to just about everyone.  Papa will want to install this Grim Reaper TP Holder before company arrives, so keep the screwdriver handy!  You may have to supply Death with some tp...

#17  Recipes from Beyond the Grave
From the woman that the popular "Ghost Whisperer" show was based on, this book includes recipes that were given to the author by ghosts.  Yep.  Beyond Delicious is a cookbook dictated by spirits on the otherside.  If your Pagan Papa enjoys ghost hunting, he won't be able to resist the stories that preceed each recipe in this book. 

#18  Voodoo Daddy Cutting Board
Dad can use this funky poppet cutting board to cube up the pepperjack and gruyere for his guests on Solstice day.  The beechwood board is imprinted with a comical voodoo doll and includes a slot to put the paring knife away when Dad's all done. 

#19  Cthulhu Slippers of Doom
Dad will never know what hit him!  He will have no choice but to succumb to the cozy, comfy wrath of these Cthulhu Slippers.  If you have a Cult of Cthulhu fan sitting in your recliner, he may need a pair of these under the tree on Solstice morning.  These only fit up to men's size 9 or 10 comfortably, so if your guy's feet are bigger, you may want to check out our Bonus gift idea!

#20  Blatant Voodoo Love
Your Pagan papa won't have to hide it anymore.  This I <3 Voodoo shirt will declare his love of all things Voodoo to the world.   Available up to an impressive 5XL to keep papa comfy!

#21  Troll Warning Sign
It's up you whether you let Dad put this in the yard... or on his bedroom door!  20 gauge steel and acid finished, this comes from the fantastical Zed's Zombie Ranch.  

Bonus Gift Idea:  Cthulhu Mug
What's that poking out of Dad's morning cuppa?  Is it... could it be?  Tentacle-y wrath!  This Cthulhu mug is sure to put a smile on his face.  Why not pair it up with some Death Wish Coffee, while you're at it?

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  1. Haha! These made me crack up. What a fun list of ideas. It always amazes me what products are out there in the world.

    1. Thank you. This was a brilliantly fun article to research. I was thinking of doing a follow up of items that didn't make the cut, as there was so much to choose from!

  2. What fun! Our Papa needs #4 and he can get me #17. Ha! That takes care of half the holiday buying.

    1. Our Papa wants the Cthulu slippers. He's nuts for that tentacled beasty along with the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    2. Luckily, our Papa hasn't seen the post. I'm sure he would put a check mark by half the items. You did a great job on this one!